Saturday, 9 January 2016

Illness and Illusion



“Woman in Hat and Fur Collar” by Pablo Picasso (1937)


My brain is hairier than my head, and these shoulders are stiff
My face hurts from falsely smiling
The camera is corrupted
I’m too tired to act for too long
I can’t smile
I am distracted by the waiters carrying their tall champagne glasses on those greasy trays
The bartender is a real awful bitch
And I’m still smiling
Because the photographer is flirting with his flash  
While I’m still an aching, melodramatic catastrophe
With no future 

I want to go home 
It is the second day of dread and domestic drama
Except the walls are painted and the floors are freshly tiled
But still somehow greasy and gross
Like my hair under the green fedora
There's a mosquito bite on the left side of my face and it is going blue
There is a bomb going off inside
And it stinks
Spilling their secrets and therefore threats
Will you please trust me 
That’s all I ask of you

Is to trust me, if I am willing to trust you
Trust is something you teach yourself
Or so I have been taught... By who you ask
By myself… As if that wasn't obvious enough
I brush my teeth in the shower now, because I can’t bear to see myself in the mirror
Some have said I am always green
And gross
Apparently people just go green when they are sick
But I am not a vegetable… yet
While the photographer is still fucking his camera 
I can't do this anymore